Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
