the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
