You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
two words...techno handjob
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
