there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
