I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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