bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
