You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
