Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
