Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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