last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
