im drinking this country out of the recession.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
