I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
