Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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