I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
