I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
