Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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