i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
