I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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