Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
