also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
