i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
