Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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