I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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