I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
