is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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