ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My vagina just recognized that song.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
