I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
