Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I touched a dick in church today
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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