i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
