let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
