He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
