DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
