Someone shit on the floor
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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