There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
