I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
