so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
