so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
