My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
