i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
