3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
