Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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