Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
