what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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