I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
