They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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