plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
