ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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