im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Randomize
