why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
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