Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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