Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
